We’ve heard this about a million times: men are dogs. And in behalf of all beloved canines in the world, we absolutely beg to differ.
Whether you’ve been duped too many times by a guy, or you simply could no longer be bothered to baby another manchild with more issues than Time magazine, hating on the opposite sex is made too easy by the wonderful perfection of having the unconditional love of a furry, snuggly, and warm-as-honey puppy. It’s no contest, but in case there’s any doubt, here are 7 reasons why a dog is better than a boyfriend:
1. No ugly breakups.
Let’s face it—you’re far from perfect. Amidst all your good points and redeeming qualities is a whole slew of screw ups and missteps. But unlike a boyfriend, your dog won’t storm out in the middle of a fight (because there will be NO fights), or sit you down and tell you, “We just lost it somewhere along the way. It’s just not there anymore.” With your beloved pooch, it will ALWAYS be there—pure, unending love.
2. No (bad) history lessons.
Dogs were spared from having the ability to hold a grudge against the person they love. Unfortunately, the male human species may have been too blessed with such talents—and selectively sharp memories—when it comes to enumerating everything that you’ve done wrong from two to ten years ago, like reserve arsenal for when an argument starts going your way.
No matter how many times you accidentally step on Spot’s tail, and no matter how many horrid episodes of vet trips you make him go through, your dog still thinks the sun rises and sets on your behind.
3. Your fashion statement—or lack thereof—matters not.
Men hate to admit it, but you looking all nice and pretty for them is one of the biggest ego—and testosterone—boosters. Guys always say, “It’s the inside that counts,” but let’s be honest here—they like to show off, and they like it when you’re eye candy, so to speak.
But no, not your beloved doggie. You can wake up with your hair on horizontals and waddle around in your gym sweats all day, and he will still stare at you with those beady, beady eyes full of affection and admiration—even sans makeup and in some cases, sans the shower.
4. Fat? What Fat? Who’s Fat?
Dogs don’t count—and that includes calories. And kilograms. And inches.
He won’t judge you for that weekend pizza binge, or that afternoon cake and tea party with your gals that was more cake than tea. Your weight may fluctuate more than a seismograph on an intensity 10 earthquake, but your pooch’s love will never go flat line.
5. None of those itches.
Whether you read it on a magazine or hear it from one of your friends, there will always be the subject of love fizzing out over time. Some say it’s in six months, some in two years—it’s as if there’s an expiration date to every romantic relationship, and you better keep up or break up.
Dogs, on the other hand, don’t have any commitment issues or relationship hang-ups. No matter how many butts Romeo sniffs at the park, you will always be his Juliet until the very end.
6. They miss you—and they mean it.
Do boyfriends wait by the window and yelp in excitement the moment they see your car pull into the garage? Maybe—but it depends on the time. Unlike having a human beau, your pooch will always be happy to see you—no matter what time you arrive. No questions, no tantrums, no where-have-you-beens, only OH-MY-GOSH-YOU’RE-HOME-I’M-SO-HAPPY-YOU’RE-REALLY-HOME-OH-MY-GOSH-I-LOVE-YOU!
7. They always take your side. ALWAYS.
Sometimes, you just want to vent out and yammer all night about a particularly upsetting situation, and the last thing you need is a boyfriend who asks questions. Who analyzes things. Who points out that you’re wrong. Who tells you what to do when you already know what to do and yet insists on telling you anyway.
Dogs are equipped to listen without judgment. You can rant all night long and then some, and you will still have their full, dedicated attention—no interruptions, no unwanted opinions. And no matter how many horrible things you end up saying, you’re still up at the top of that pedestal, and you’re still the best person in the world, bar none.